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Vex King tells Chris Evans about his new book, Closer to Love, and how to 'deepen the bonds' with people in your life
Virgin Radio
20 Feb 2023, 11:32
Best-selling author Vex King joined the Chris Evans Breakfast Show with cinch to talk about how to build meaningful and mindful relationships and learning to love authentically and unconditionally.
Released last week, Vex’s new book, Closer to Love, is a practical guide to creating lasting connections, applying his philosophy of self-love to the world of romantic relationships. He told Chris: “There are so many books written on love and relationships. But why are people still confused? Why are the most common questions in my Instagram DMs about love and relationships?”
This is Vex’s third book, following Good Vibes, Good Life (2018) and Healing is the New High (2021), both of which were Sunday Times #1 bestsellers. “Emotional intelligence is so important within relationships, because it creates self-awareness.” he said. “Why am I the way I am? Why do I expect these things? Why do I treat my partner in such a way? And a lot of people just live in this kind of perpetuating cycle of intense conditioning, and they never break the cycle. They never question their reactions and their responses to things.
“I've tried to write it in the most non-preachy way possible, but it's opening a dialogue. And it's helping you return to your own heart and seek clarity, so you can bring self-awareness to your relationships, and hopefully deepen the bonds within the people in your life.”
Vex spoke to Chris about an “instant gratification culture that's been created through social media”. Hear what he had to say below:
Speaking about attraction types, the author explained: “You could be attracted to someone, physically, romantically, aesthetically, intellectually, sexually, emotionally, but also spiritually.
“And it's important to know, before you go into a relationship, what you're actually attracted to, because sometimes it's a few of them, sometimes it's one of them. But sometimes we just go into relationships blind and actually not really knowing who we are, what we want from a relationship. And that's why we're so lost when we enter them.”
Together with his wife Kaushal, Vex founded The Rising Circle, a wellness and lifestyle community whose mission is to help create a world filled with compassion. Together they have published The Greatest Self-Help Book, a daily journal that allows you to write your own self-help book, via exercises, activities and visual prompts. “I'm in a very happy marriage. And obviously, my wife's an incredible woman, and she's given me endless support, but I know so many singles that are happily single and strong and independent," he said. "I suppose in this culture, especially, we create codependency. So we look at someone else to make us happy. And then we merge with them, give up our autonomy, and suddenly, we don't actually know who we are within the relationship. So having a strong self, a sense of self, if you do choose to be in a relationship will only work in your favour.”
Talking about attachment theory, Vex told Chris: “When you cling on to something like an expectation and that expectation’s not fulfilled, you then suffer as a result. So what I've done in the book, I've explained the importance between both of them attachment theory and your early attachments helps create bonding, but attachment from a spiritual point of view, creates bondage. And it's about finding that balance.”
When speaking about carrying heavy expectations into relationships, the best-selling writer said: “What happens when we do that is we don't let true unconditional love flourish. Because love is full of acceptance, not expectation. If there's expectation in your love, then basically, you're loving only at the level of your mind, you’re saying to yourself, What can this person do for me in return for my love. It becomes transactional, it becomes a trade.”
Closer To Love is out now.
For more great interviews listen to The Chris Evans Breakfast Show with cinch weekdays from 6:30am on Virgin Radio, or catch up on-demand here.
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